How to get closure, without actually getting closure.

Hi guys, it’s been a while. 

I’ve come back! Maybe for good, who knows. I have a very spontaneous personality where I’ll feel inspired once in a while to do a project and leave it for a long time. I’m trying to change that though. Anyway, now that I am here… Let’s have a think-piece!

Over the past 3 years, my entire Uni experience really, I’ve come across a lot of temporary people. I’ve struggled with my mental health due to a lot of personal things that have happened during this time and finally plucking up the courage to go to see a counsellor at my Uni in February, and I felt like I was reborn. Literally.

After my 21st birthday, I realised that I needed to handle things very differently, and with my counselling from the lovely Tanya she reassured me that setting boundaries with people is completely healthy and should be required. So, here I am to tell you how boundaries is a way of dealing with closure; and how your mental closure is a way for you to move on in your life without having an uncomfortable altercation with the person you want closure with.

In 2017, I had very naively thought I really liked someone. I realised that I only liked them because I needed someone/thing tangible to hold on to to feel secure in myself, as I had been sexually abused in Summer 2016. Anyway, he had explained that he was starting a relationship with someone else and at the time I could not accept that. I had been confused, angry, upset, full of self-doubt and doing things that I would regret later on. The whole of 2017 was me self-destructing a lot of relationships because I was insecure that my partners (who weren’t my official partners) would leave. I still kept thinking… Why did he do this to me? Why won’t he explain to me why he chose her, and not me? I need closure.

It wasn’t until a whole year later I had realised I could not live like this. I wasn’t still feeling the first initial guy, I had my closure mentally and told myself that it wasn’t me, the other partner clearly was more suited as me and him had nothing in common. At all. With other partners, I remembered that people are lessons and they are temporary. The lessons I learnt with them all is what I don’t want in people that I surround myself with, those who don’t support or appreciate me are not welcomed as they don’t bring anything positive in my life. I repeated that to myself a lot, every day, until the point where they no longer existed in my life.

Mental Closure 

The way I’ve learnt to deal with closure from people who mistreat me is Mental Closure. Mental closure means closure that you fabricate yourself. By this I mean you create a scenario, where you have a conversation with this said person and you say everything you want to say when you are filled with emotions and rather than exploding on them, you say what needs to be said in existence so that the thoughts are no longer in your head. I cry when I do this, but it’s healthy. You let out the emotions in your private space, meaning  you don’t have to show your vulnerability to the toxic people who quite clearly may not even care or understand how they’ve mistreated you, saving you from feeling embarrassed and angry afterwards.

I feel that after I have ‘mental closure’ with said toxic people, I begin to feel like a weight is off my shoulders. They no longer have a hold or control over me, and I don’t need to feel frustrated with them not understanding your feelings or making them feel invalid, whats most important is how YOU feel, how YOU can more forward and continue growing yourself. You’ll find that, after doing this the person no longer has a hold on you and they can no longer make you feel bad about yourself. It is the ultimate self-love to cut dead ends that don’t allow you to grow. The same way you get a haircut, you need to cut dead ends to let your hair grow.

With that being said, mental closure is a way of setting boundaries with people. Setting boundaries with people allows you to choose who gets to see what you want them to see, and who is able to share your energy. This new boundary now means that they are no longer allowed to interact in your life by giving you negative energy that makes you feel emotionally exhausted all the time. It is a new form of energy that will allow you to grow and is an essential form of self-love as you are able to feel comfortable with who you share your life with.

Remember to always love yourself and put yourself first. Let me know what you think in the comments about this method of self-love.

Cloud x


#Grime4Corbyn the election that defines millennials

Photo credit: VICE

On the 18th of April, 2017, Prime Minister Theresa May had announced a general election. May had promised a “strong and stable” Brexit; with no snap early election to be made during the period which would have triggered Brexit. The slogan “strong and stable” has become tedious and worn out, I don’t even think the Prime Minister believes it herself.

Coming from a migrant working-class family, whose family works on either 0 hour contracts with no real guarantee whether they’ll get any left over money after spending rent, and I’m not talking about myself. My mother, an A&E paramedic, works on a 0 Hour contract. She works for the NHS. You wouldn’t exactly think the NHS would even ALLOW 0 Hour contracts but yeah, they exist. My father and grandfather have been working in maintenance for  a rich man who owns a bunch of houses in wealthy areas of London. Not the best working environment along with lack of empathy towards them both. Myself, I work in retail. I don’t need to expand on how detrimental it is for me living here in London.

After Jeremy Corbyn was elected Labour leader in 2016 against Owen Smith, I could not have been happier. The Labour manifesto is really speaking out for the majority, and not for the few. Corbyn uses rational strategies, especially against terrorism and selling armed weaponry to Saudi Arabia, who reportedly perpetuate the war crimes in Yemen and to ISIS, which leaders like Corbyn have urged May to release the delayed ‘sensitive’ Home Office document on spending of weaponry.

The recent terror attacks in the UK have made people weary that this definitely was not a coincidence, and could very well define who our Prime Minister will be in 4 days. But, let me get to the point of this blog post, how I believe that the millennials could save our future.

For the first time, young people have actually decided that they want to vote, with a quarter of a million registering to vote on the last day of registration. In the latest years of the internet, more and more young people are becoming ‘woke’ [socially aware] of the injustices that are happening around the world, particularly in the western world where they live in. In the UK, the inequality gap is at the highest since the Thatcher period meaning we’re just falling backwards, most of us may never be able to afford a house with the amount of private renters in comparison to social renters.

There has been a delicious rise in UK acts who actually are starting to give a shit about how the UK is turning out to be. I’ve already mentioned how Grime is essentially a national treasure, when the hashtag #Grime4Corbyn emerged, it had a deeper meaning than just now-popular artists supporting politics. Grime derives from East London, which before the 2012 Olympics, wasn’t a place tourists would hear about. Pioneers lived mainly in council estates, growing up with the struggle of surviving and hustling on roads, they represent the poorest in the city.

JME was the first to speak out on the movement, meeting the Labour leader himself to discuss why in the past people hadn’t bother to vote. The video below shows just how genuine the conversation was between the two, with Corbyn’s genuine interest in JME’s life. What particularly made me feel like Corbyn cares is his opinion on university education, where one of the policies is that he’ll abolish university tuition fees. “We’re talking a lot about your music, music and innovation but it’s also about improving that space to be creative, and that political space to be creative as well” is just one of the quotes that I picked out from the interview alone. As a creative student studying at the University of the Arts London, I love my degree and I love my university, I truly do learn the most out of tutors who help teach core softwares, but since 2009 there have been cuts from more than £56 million of art funding by local authorities. Creative subjects are extremely important, for how else are you going to enjoy your favourite comic strip? Or your favourite Leonardo DiCaprio film? Do you think he was born as an actor straight from the womb without any learning processes? Don’t think so.

Since their meeting, the hashtag #Grime4Corbyn emerged. Other artists also shared their political view-points such as Lowkey with a really passionate and factual political view and AJ Tracey discussing how he may not own a house in Ladbroke Grove, where he grew up all his life. Creatives have created clothing to help boost the Labour political agenda. Here are a few of my favourite examples:

These t-shirts could not have been created without a graphic designer or someone who majored in textiles. The more people who voice their political views, including MC rappers who are influential enough to influence a wide audience are crucial to depict their agenda. We finally have a chance to change the outcome of our country without fearing for our future.

Disclaimer: I don’t mean to put my political views onto anyone, it’s really important to form your own opinion on the election; educate yourself and vote for what YOU believe in and not what news outlets are telling you. Don’t let the propaganda fool you, and vote on June 8th.



Opinion piece: Tinder v Instagram

Something different to music, but it’s a topic that I have been thinking about for a while. Dating apps have become so stigmatised that people generally have to lie about how they meet their partner/friend somewhere. My favourite way to tell my friends about the guy I met off Tinder is to usually tell them I have met them off Instagram. But in all honesty, what’s the difference between Tinder and Instagram?

If you’re from London and are single (or could be in a relationship, just looking for friends) you’re more than likely going to find a good handful of people who are on Tinder. The dating app has been given a pretty designated reputation though, the infamous one-date-hook-up. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve met some pretty good people off the app who have become my very good friends actually, and I know people who have had successful relationships from the app. So why are people so timid to admit they met someone off the app?

I’ve met a lot of people in this city thanks to the app, but strangely most of my relationships come from meeting people off social media platforms like Instagram and Twitter. Social media platforms are different from dating apps because they give out a different purpose, but you still have hopes to meet one of your followers in a romantic way by engaging in private conversation, hence the direct message aspect of every platform. So, if people meet off Instagram to hook-up or go on a date, is it really different to Tinder? Apart from the fact that it allows you to connect with loads of different people from different professions to different parts of the world that end up being pen-pals.

The Internet is a beautiful tool, I would never regard it as anti-social. Perhaps, if you’re with a group of friends and you’re always on your phone then it may be pretty anti-social, but you’re constantly connecting with different people that you meet in person to form a better bond. With that being said, does meeting someone organically even exist anymore?

Meeting people from the Internet has become so normal for this generation that may as well be the way you meet someone ‘organically’. It’s pretty easy to go up to someone in the streets and tell them you find them attractive, but then you usually get shut down because it’s a weird interaction. I guess there’s the comfort of knowing that  you’re somehow ‘safe’ when it’s an Internet interaction because you may not get attacked for ignoring someone, but it really isn’t thaaaaaat much different.

The stigmatisation of internet dating is pretty much outdated in the digital age now. Society has intertwined with the Internet that you know more about a person through what they post on their Instagram, what their interests are in order to find a partner suitable for them. Awkward small-talk at the back of a house party can still work, but probably easier and less embarrassing for you to talk to someone online and stay reserved without spilling too much information.

Let me know what you think, comment what you think about Internet dating.

My 5 Best Blogs

Blogging about music can get a bit tedious at time. Taking a break from giving out my opinions and different reviews of different songs, here are my top 5 favourite blogs who may not be exactly my style of blogging, nevertheless they’re still doing bits.

For Women Of Colour 
A blog that empowers women is a blog that catches my entire attention. Her posts discuss her lifestyle while living in the big city along with activism and literature, which are pretty much all of my interests. This blog will definitely not fail to grasp your attention, she finds a way to life in this world as a woman of colour, a group of people that are constantly attacked throughout the mainstream media.

TV shows are my weakness. They are the biggest contributor of my procrastination with any responsibilities that I have. The blog has a deep analysis of what TV shows I’ve seen, which makes me feel pretty secure that someone else has the same views as me on these shows. If you’re ever stuck watching the same TV shows episodes over and over again, this blog will help you find the right show for you.

Small By Name, Big By City
This blog depicts my frustration with the city and what it’s truly like living here. The blog name had me hooked, the pun out of the authors name just makes you sit on the edge of your seat hoping for some witty blog posts on the documentation of the city.

Once Upon a Grime
The blog has everything you need about what poppin’ in the grime scene this week, next week and any other week really. Writing posts on artists who are still pretty underground in the scene to posting reviews for Stormzy’s ‘Cold’ video (I’ll get round to writing my own…. eventually).

The blog that inspired me to create this blog. Noisey is a site that blogs primarily about grime music and London hip-hop, it blogs about topics that aren’t PG, kinda. Owned by Vice, it’s edginess is the essence of the site; with humorous categories and more aware-ness articles that help out their young readers.

Promoting diversity: is it just the guilt?

Another year, another Brit awards, and more dead white men are winning awards. It’s becoming tedious, celebrating the dead over the living. When will we start putting a lot more effort into our current artists?

This years Brits has arrived. Glamorous entrances by many stars, such as Katy Perry, Little Mix, Robbie Williams and of course, the diversity acts this year (aka grime artists). From my previous posts, you can see the highlighted lack of representations of last years nominees with barely any UK black artists getting nominations, ironically the diverse acts were international acts, another diverse category.

Despite the addition of grime artists such as Skepta, Stormzy and Kano, to the nomination board, none have actually won any awards. Nominating black British artists doesn’t satisfy the need for more representation for our artists. From the depths of the council estates that are now being tarnished by gentrification of the city, city that is rich with different culture, especially the birth of grime culture. Despite the fact that the votes for these categories being public, allowing the majority to choose their winner, it feels almost unfair that these artists don’t win.

Stormzy, nominated for best new comer, lost the award to Rag’n’Bone Man. Congratulations to Rag’n’Bone Man, but I can’t celebrate the win as much. Now, let’s not take the fact that I am a fan of Stormzy to cloud my judgement. It doesn’t feel right to let Stormzy, a person who has literally started from the bottom, accomplishments become diminished. Sold out tours, touring Europe (and even the US), all the festivals he’s played and awards from award-shows that are more diverse. Not everyone is a fan of grime, that is just fact. You would have been expected to get more people cheering the fact that the genre is getting this amazing recognition, right?

The issue not lies with the fact that these artists haven’t won, no. The issue is that the nominations are 40% of the nominations are black artists, with Emeli Sande being the only black artists taking an award home tonight. Regardless, it is a massive achievement for the community and for women. With significantly less white acts being nominated than last years disaster, you’d think that it’d be less of a chance for them to win. Wrong. The effort of black acts working harder than their peers in order to get a signed onto a record label, just generally getting someone to recognise their talent, it goes to show that their more privileged peers will still win.

Performances from Skepta, and a surprise performance of Ed Sheeran x Stormzy definitely took the crowd by storm(zy). To start off, I was pretty disappointed by Skepta’s perfomance. Now, it’s not him. He was great. It’s the constant censoring of his song. The lack of enthusiasm by the audience was astonishing. Almost nobody knew the words, no single soul.  Pretty sure the producers were sweating when they found out Skepta was going to sing his most popular song, Shut Down, with all the censoring the song was almost unrecognisable. Even though one grime artist was ‘shut down,’  best new comer nominee Stormzy surprised us all with a collab with Ed Sheeran. Ed Sheeran is known to be a fan of grime, for him to get Stormzy to perform with him shows massive appreciation to our London culture. The thrilling dichotomy between pop music and grime was executed in the most exhilarating performance we have seen so far at the Brits. The great chemistry between the acts had created a room full of positive energy. Stormzy. once again proving himself the worthy winner of this years Brit Awards.

Let me know your thoughts on this years winners in the comments.